When you think of Chrissy Teigen, you probably think of her A+ Twitter account, non-stop hilariousness, and infectious smile. So finding out that she suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter, Luna, might be a shock.
In a candid personal essay for Glamour, the supermodel opens up about realizing that she was depressed while working on Lip Sync Battle (a show where her entire job is to be perky), revealing how it impacted every area of her life — and why the disorder is nothing like what she assumed it would be.
"Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful," she writes. "My lower back throbbed; my shoulders — even my wrists — hurt. I didn't have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me."
Teigen postponed working on her second cookbook, because just the thought of testing recipes made her nauseous. While her editors were supportive, the star struggled with feeling like she'd ever feel like her usual, happy, goofy self again — especially initially, when doctors didn't know what was wrong.
"When I wasn't in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I'd ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know — I had every shade closed," she wrote. "Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn't have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying."
After seeing specialists to see if she had digestive issues or rheumatoid arthritis, Teigen visited her general physician, who ran through a series of symptoms with her. When they all checked out, she finally had an answer: postpartum depression and anxiety (the latter causing a lot of her nausea, it seems).
Teigen was surprised — she had always associated postpartum depression with people who didn't like their babies or wanted to harm their children, and she didn't have any feelings like that at all. It was eye-opening, and it inspired her to speak up about what postpartum depression's been like for her, in an effort to remove stigmas surrounding it.
Teigen says her husband, singer John Legend, was a huge support after her diagnosis. "He's exactly as compassionate, patient, loving, and understanding as he seems," she says. "John has been incredible over the last nine months, bringing me my medicine and watching horrible reality TV with me. He is not the goofiest guy, but he has gone out of his way to indulge my sense of humor. When I was having a good day, he would go to Medieval Times with me and put on the crazy period hat! He sees how much my eyes light up when he does that stuff, and he knows that's what I need."
Teigen says she wants people to know postpartum depression can happen to anyone, and that ultimately she hasn't let it get the best of her. "I love John and Luna more than I can imagine loving anything, and John and I still hope to give Luna a few siblings," she says. "Postpartum hasn't changed that."
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